Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
