I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
