I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Someone shit on the floor
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
