I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
