ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
