i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
