At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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