my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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