so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
