You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
