saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
