he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
