Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
