Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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