Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The feeling are messing with the penis
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
