You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
