College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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