Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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