I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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