Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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