it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
