I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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