dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
