nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
