Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is Oprah even human
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
