So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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