i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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