Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
