The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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