Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
