yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
