how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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