so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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