Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
