He is such a slut. More and more my type.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
