Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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