He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
