I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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