So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
