So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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