These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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