So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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