Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
