I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
