It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
