We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can text with my tongue
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
