unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
