god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
