she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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