So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
