meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
