Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
