dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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